Darling, Do I have spinach in my teeth?

The last week has seen me asking this question many times.

I keep feeling like I have something stuck inbetween my teeth but food is never the cuprit.  The culprit rather is the many stitches I still have.  They are starting to disolve and  I am more aware of them now that my mouth isnt as swollen anymore.

It is a little strange having stitches in places where no teeth were removed (front 6 upper and lower) but apparently it is all part of how they take your mouth apart to remove teeth.

I had another dental appointment today.  This time with the dental hygienist.  She gave my 12 original teeth a good cleaning and doesnt need to see me again until the end of the second week of my treatment.

They all seem happy with my recovery.

I still have a big bruise on the left side of my face – probably 4cm in size.  Swelling is minimal and discomfort is minimal.  Blew out a lot of blood yesterday from my sinuses.  Assume left over from the procedure 2 weeks ago. I finally have my smile back (and my dimples my beloved loves so much).  I can still feel some pulling if I excercise my mouth.

And finally I can open my mouth wide again.  This has required me being more disciplined when I eat as I am not allowed to use my back teeth at all.  I may only use my front teeth and palatte to eat.  But the reality is that the wider you can open your mouth, the more food you put in.  And it is difficult not using your back teeth when you have a mouth full off food.

Meal slection has not been that bad actualy and I have found foods that I like which need very little chewing:

My current diet consists of:

  • Poitjie (A South African favourite – like a stew) –  I can mush it all up
  • Rice
  • Potato – Mashed
  • Weetabix
  • Yogurt – I just love full fat yogurt with honey
  • Ice-cream
  • Salmon – My boyfriend makes the most amazing salmon with cottage cheese
  • Mild curry – meat shredded and the rest mushed with a fork
  • Custard
  • Omelette
  • Soups
  • Little puddings
  • And my favourite today – I managed to nibble on a soft hot cross bun

So yes, I am recovering well.  A week to go before I start my treatment.

 

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The Vascular Surgeon

My GP decided to send me for an ultrasound scan of my neck to see if there was anything to worry about.  The ultrasound clearly showed there was something there which needed much more investigation.

The ultrasound technician  reported that she thought I have a Schwannoma which are usually benign.  My GP thought it was a little more serious than that and thought the lump was attached to my carotid artery, so he referred me to a Vascular Surgeon.

A few days later I found myself in the rooms of the Vascular Surgeon.

He walked in to the reception area and his opening comments to me were “I just love a challenge”.  This is when I knew it was very serious.

So the Vascular Surgeon did his own Ultrasound scan and picked up 3 lumps on the left hand side of my neck.  He had no idea what they were but there was a list of things that could go wrong with them there – apparently a slow death if it constricted my coritid artery or airways.

I was next scheduled to have a biopsy done a few days later with the untrasound technicain and a lab technician.  The results were inconclusive.

So back to the Vascular Surgeon who scheduled me for surgery a week later.

 

No Sympathy Required.

Hello dear world

This post is written by a mere mortal.

A self realization has dawned; that there are things that scare me and the reality that we all die.
I am not the sort who plays the victim or who likes to play on others’ emotions, so this post is not meant to envoke any sympathy from any of you out there.

I was reading FB earlier today and noticed a post by a friend who was in hospital having what I think is her breast removed. Yes, she has cancer.

And yes, so do I.

At first, I thought about contacting her and asking questions and telling her that it will all be ok. But to be honest it all feels a bit awkward.

One doesn’t want to pry.

So what does one do in a situation like this?
I suddenly realized that she is probably not too different from me.

She is a strong woman too, and would not like people feeling sorry for her or hear the quiet whispers behind her back about her illness. But just like me, she probably needs a little strength and a little help in getting through it emotionally. A reminder that we are not alone and that we don’t have to hide what we are going through.
I try to be strong for my partner, knowing he has suffered much loss in his life, and I do not want to be remembered as a loss to him. Bringing a tear to his eyes when he remembers me, should the worst happen.

Or him having to call on all his strength to continue without those close and dear to him. Those he doesn’t miss for a second in the day. I know I am being very arrogant in the assumption I will have a place in his heart should I pass on.
And then my mind arrays many thoughts about where I fit into his life and should I leave quietly or perhaps end it all quietly as I don’t like to cause pain. Especially pain that may be felt for a long time.

And the realization that I am being very arrogant in my thoughts. The reality being that I am a mere girlfriend who has no place in this mans life other than the today.
So I am shaken back to reality. The reality that just like others out there that it is our own fight.  We cannot burden those around us.  We cannot envoke sympathy.

We cannot play the victim.

We cannot make those around us feel any guilt about the part they play in our lives.
All we can do is smile.  We pretend we are ok.  We put on our shield each morning, look outside and notice the beautiful sunrise, fill our days ignoring the weakness within us, and then noticing the beautiful sunsets.
Remember that we are blessed with each breath we take and need to be grateful for the time we spend with those we love.  As without love, life is not worth living.  A reminder that I have a pretty awesome life and the love I have for this man and the love I get in return makes every second I live worth every breath.
So, refocusing on the positive; I want to live forever!

Be damned if I can’t, but before I pass, I will live a life worth living.

I will see and do things that most others can only dream of, because I am blessed in many ways.

I am thankful to those around me who make my life worth living and fighting for.
I will be contacting my friend and asking her about her path as whether she realizes it or not, she needs people like me by her side as a reminder that there is no shame in being weak.  We need to stand up and rise and put on our big girl panties and the brightest red lipstick we can find and live a life worth living.

No sympathy required!