Hello dear world
This post is written by a mere mortal.
A self realization has dawned; that there are things that scare me and the reality that we all die.
I am not the sort who plays the victim or who likes to play on others’ emotions, so this post is not meant to envoke any sympathy from any of you out there.
I was reading FB earlier today and noticed a post by a friend who was in hospital having what I think is her breast removed. Yes, she has cancer.
And yes, so do I.
At first, I thought about contacting her and asking questions and telling her that it will all be ok. But to be honest it all feels a bit awkward.
One doesn’t want to pry.
So what does one do in a situation like this?
I suddenly realized that she is probably not too different from me.
She is a strong woman too, and would not like people feeling sorry for her or hear the quiet whispers behind her back about her illness. But just like me, she probably needs a little strength and a little help in getting through it emotionally. A reminder that we are not alone and that we don’t have to hide what we are going through.
I try to be strong for my partner, knowing he has suffered much loss in his life, and I do not want to be remembered as a loss to him. Bringing a tear to his eyes when he remembers me, should the worst happen.
Or him having to call on all his strength to continue without those close and dear to him. Those he doesn’t miss for a second in the day. I know I am being very arrogant in the assumption I will have a place in his heart should I pass on.
And then my mind arrays many thoughts about where I fit into his life and should I leave quietly or perhaps end it all quietly as I don’t like to cause pain. Especially pain that may be felt for a long time.
And the realization that I am being very arrogant in my thoughts. The reality being that I am a mere girlfriend who has no place in this mans life other than the today.
So I am shaken back to reality. The reality that just like others out there that it is our own fight. We cannot burden those around us. We cannot envoke sympathy.
We cannot play the victim.
We cannot make those around us feel any guilt about the part they play in our lives.
All we can do is smile. We pretend we are ok. We put on our shield each morning, look outside and notice the beautiful sunrise, fill our days ignoring the weakness within us, and then noticing the beautiful sunsets.
Remember that we are blessed with each breath we take and need to be grateful for the time we spend with those we love. As without love, life is not worth living. A reminder that I have a pretty awesome life and the love I have for this man and the love I get in return makes every second I live worth every breath.
So, refocusing on the positive; I want to live forever!
Be damned if I can’t, but before I pass, I will live a life worth living.
I will see and do things that most others can only dream of, because I am blessed in many ways.
I am thankful to those around me who make my life worth living and fighting for.
I will be contacting my friend and asking her about her path as whether she realizes it or not, she needs people like me by her side as a reminder that there is no shame in being weak. We need to stand up and rise and put on our big girl panties and the brightest red lipstick we can find and live a life worth living.
No sympathy required!